When October Starts Read online

  I didn’t care if my words hurt, but they were the truth. And if they kept ignoring me and acting like I was brainwashed, that’s what they’d get.

  Mom was angry. Aggie, on the other hand, seemed to be thinking about what I was saying for the first time today.

  “If you don’t tell me what happened between you and Ezra, there’s not much left to do. He’s gone anyway, the only thing to think about is if you wanna press charges against him,” Benji said, looking at my mothers.

  “Yes,” Mom replied with no hesitation, but Aggie shook her head.

  “I think we should talk to Juniper about it first. This is about her, not us.” She surprised me with those words, and suddenly, I felt a spark of hope and joy in my chest.

  “Aggie, her teacher has been grooming her since God knows how long. He must’ve already tried to get her to do things she didn’t want to. I don’t think we have to question if we want to press charges against him or not.”

  “He didn’t groom me.” I stayed calm.

  “Well, did he touch you inappropriately?”

  “I wanted him to,” I said in a challenging voice.

  “Daria, I think you’re said enough for today.” I had never seen Aggie like this. Normally, she was the quieter and more reserved one. “We don’t wanna press charges against Ezra. I’ll talk to Juno about it at home. He’s not around anymore anyway, and she’ll be taking her finals in two days. Let’s not make this even harder for her.”

  Benji slowly nodded, then looked at me with concern in his eyes. “I hope you’ll be okay and that you’ll soon find your peace again.”

  It was hopeless. There was nothing I could say that would make him realize that what Ezra and I had was real.

  *

  “I made you some pancakes with strawberries and raspberries out of our garden.” Aggie was standing on the ladder, with her head peeking up into my bedroom. I looked at the plate she held in her hand, then I nodded to let her know that I appreciated her attempt of cheering me up. It was late at night, and I still had to get over our talk with Benji this afternoon.

  “Mind if I come sit with you for a while?” she asked.

  I shook my head, and she climbed up to come sit next to me on the bed. She pulled the covers over her legs and placed the plate with the stack of pancakes on my lap.

  “I can’t relate to what you’re going through right now, but I want you to know that you can talk to me, all right?”

  I stabbed a raspberry with my fork and shrugged. “I don’t think there’s much to talk about anymore.”

  She was quiet for a while, then wrapped her arm around me and pulled me to her. I leaned my head on her shoulder and closed my eyes.

  “Has Ezra treated you right all this time?” she asked quietly.

  I felt tears sting my eyes just hearing her say his name, and I wished there were easier things to talk about. “He was good to me. He cared, and he showed me how much he loved me every time we were together.”

  Aggie knew that what Ezra and I had wasn’t forced upon me. I opened up to him willingly, wanting to get closer each damn day. “I’m sorry this had to end like this…but things happen for a reason, and I know you believe in that just as much as I do, hm?”

  She was right, but I hadn’t found the reason why he was gone yet. “He said he would come back when I’m eighteen, but I’m not sure how I can live without him for that long.”

  “Maybe some time apart isn’t so bad. You have plenty of time to think, to reflect on what happened and what you want to happen in the future. I’m not saying that you might change your mind about him, but it’s a possibility. I want you to be happy, Juni. If it’s Ezra who makes you feel like there’s no other person you’ll ever love, then I’m sure this time apart will pass in the blink of an eye.”

  I hoped she was right. No matter how angry I was at myself, and no matter how upset he made me for leaving, I knew I would stand there on October first, waiting for him on the island.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Juno

  It was the last day of June, and fifty days had passed since I last heard Ezra’s voice. I was still deeply in love with him, but being away from each other really helped me deal with all the pain he left me behind with.

  Aggie was right when she said that some time apart from him might help me, and it did.

  It was summer, and I had just received the results from my finals. I graduated successfully, and there was nothing holding me back from going to Lakewood College in late August. I was excited, and I tried to concentrate on getting all my stuff together that I needed.

  “Juno?” Pixie’s voice surprised me, and I turned to look at her as she peeked her head through our front door. I was sitting on the couch, reading a book, not expecting her to come by.

  “Mind if I come in?” she asked.

  I shook my head and set the book down, then watched her walk into the living room. Pixie sat down on the other couch, and by the look on her face, I knew she was here to apologize.

  “How’s your head?” she asked slowly.

  “Fine.”

  “How many stitches did you need?”

  “Four.”

  She sighed and gave me an apologetic look. “I’m really sorry for pushing you. I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I guess I was just…confused.”

  I studied her face. Somehow, I didn’t feel like talking about that day. It still haunted my dreams.

  “I know you’re upset because he’s gone,” she said quietly. “Maybe we can talk about it. I wanna…understand what was going on between you two.”

  “I fucked my teacher. I think that’s simple enough, isn’t it?” I didn’t mean to be such a bitch, but my anger was slowly rising, and I couldn’t control it.

  Pixie looked at her hands and nodded. “I get it. You’re still mad at me. You have every right to be. I didn’t know what to do, Juno. I was shocked, but now I realize that I have taken something away that meant a lot to you. Please don’t shut me out. You’re still my best friend,” she said hopeful.

  I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked away.

  “If I could turn back time, I would keep your secret safe. I wouldn’t say a word.”

  “A little too late for that,” I muttered, keeping my eyes on the fireplace.

  “I know.” Another sigh escaped her, and she seemed to struggle to find the right words. “I’m really trying here, Juno.”

  I kept quiet for a while, the moved my gaze to meet hers again. “We fell in love months ago, and I miss him,” I told her. “Getting caught was inevitable. I think I knew that, just didn’t wanna accept the truth.”

  I took a deep breath, then looked down at my hands. “He’s the love of my life.”

  “I really wish I reacted differently. Maybe…if I had known—”

  “I couldn’t tell you. I couldn’t tell anyone. I don’t think you understand how hard it was for us to keep it secret.”

  “I don’t,” she replied. “But I want you to know that I support you, no matter what.”

  It was too late for that as well. Ezra was gone, and I was unsure if he’d actually show up one day after my eighteenth birthday.

  “Is that all?” I asked. “I think I wanna be alone again.”

  Pixie got up from the couch and nodded. “Call me if you ever want to hang out before college starts. I’d love to spend some time with you before I leave town.”

  She wouldn’t attend Lakewood with me. Her parents decided to send her off to Florida, although she wasn’t very keen on that. But talking back to them was not an option.

  I nodded, then watched her leave my house with a sad look on her face. It was hard enough to not see Ezra, but even after all Pixie has done to ruin my relationship, I couldn’t stay mad at her forever.

  What would I have done if I were in her situation?

  Would I be mad at her for not telling me that she was dating a man that happened to be our teacher, or would I keep it a secret if it would help her not get
hurt?

  Either way, I wasn’t and would never be in her shoes. Instead, I had to keep walking in my own, hoping to see the man I loved when October started.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Juno

  “Did you ever try and message him?” Aggie asked. It was August, and I spent most my days sleeping in late, then I rode my bike to the port and took the ferry over to the island.

  My mind drifted to Ezra while I moved the food around on my plate. “I didn’t.” I could’ve called him. Now that he wasn’t my teacher anymore, there was nothing holding us back from dating. Except me being still underage.

  But something felt off, and I figured if he didn’t call me first, I wouldn’t run after him. Maybe he needed some time to think.

  “Don’t you love him anymore?” It wasn’t usual for Mom to ask me questions about Ezra, but tonight, she was not holding back

  She wasn’t very keen on how it all ended back in June, but thanks to Aggie, Mom tried to not make a big fuss about it.

  “Of course I love him.” I didn’t have much more to say. I was being patient, waiting for October to come.

  “I’m going to see Pixie after dinner,” I told them, and Aggie smiled brightly.

  “That’s wonderful, Juni. I’m sure Pixie’s gonna be very happy.”

  I figured so too, and even if it took me like a month to get over it, I decided that before she left for Florida, I wanted to spend some time with my best friend.

  “I can’t stay mad at her forever. I miss her.”

  “Are you not finishing that?” Mom asked, pointing at the sad, vegan steak on my plate.

  “I had a bowl of cereal just an hour ago,” I said. “I can eat it later though.”

  “It’s not gonna taste good anymore when you let it sit for a few hours.” Mom grabbed my plate and started cutting my steak into pieces.

  I watched them eat for a little while longer, then got up from the table and pointed to the stairs. “I’ll go get my things and then leave. Not sure when I’m coming back again.”

  *

  Pixie’s parents weren’t home. I could tell by the empty driveway and loud music blasting through the speakers. Knocking or ringing the bell wouldn’t get Pixie’s attention, so I pulled out my phone and sent her a quick message, telling her that I was standing outside her door.

  After sending it, the music in the house stopped for a second, letting me know that she had just received the message.

  Not ten seconds later, Pixie opened the front door and smiled with a tilt of her head. “Hi,” she said.

  “Hey, can I come in?”

  She nodded and stepped aside, and as I passed her, she wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me tight. “I’m so happy to see you again,” she squealed, and I chuckled as I tried to escape her embrace.

  “Pix, let go,” I mumbled, and she finally stepped away from me. A big grin was planted on her face.

  “What if I came to tell you that I don’t wanna be friends with you anymore?” I teased.

  “You would never. If that’s the case, you probably would just block me and ignore me for the rest of my life.”

  That wasn’t very far from the truth.

  I sighed. “Let’s not talk about what happened, okay? I wanna enjoy the rest of our summer before you leave.”

  “Okay, sure.” She smiled with a nod. “But…can I ask about the future? Have you seen him again?”

  “No, I didn’t. But that’s fine. I’m okay, and I’m sure he is too.” I wished I was there for him to help him find a new job. He couldn’t teach anymore, and I wondered what he was up to at the moment. But then, having me around might’ve bothered him. Him being mad at me and not wanting to see me again was a possibility, but I didn’t dare to think about that.

  “I’m sure he’ll come around eventually. Though, I don’t get why he would fall for you out of all his students. I mean…was he blind or was my beauty just that striking?”

  She was joking, and I shouldn’t have found it funny, but I did.

  I rolled my eyes. “He talked about you a few times, but I’m not gonna tell you what he said.”

  “Oh, come on, really? I get why you would fall for an older guy, but he had way better options in that classroom.”

  I laughed. Neither of us were taking this seriously, and honestly, it felt good to laugh again. “Why do you assume I would only go for older guys?”

  “Uhm, first of all,” she said, holding up her index finger. “Ezra is attractive as hell and pure daddy material, and second…” her grin spread wide on her face. “You have daddy issues since you have two mothers.”

  I puckered my lips and watched her for a while, then shrugged. “True.”

  We both started laughing, and for the first time in what felt like forever, I didn’t have to force it.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Juno

  Friday, October 1

  I was lost in my thoughts, staring straight ahead onto the lake. I was sitting on the bench by the beach near the carousel, and as time passed, I slowly started to lose hope in Ezra showing up.

  It was already five-forty, and the ferry arrived at five. It was only a three-minute walk from the ferry to this little beach, and I told myself I would only wait a few more minutes, then I’d leave, giving up on him.

  I couldn’t have missed him. I’d taken the earliest ferry at eight this morning, skipping school.

  Lots of negative thoughts flashed through my mind, some of them preparing me for the worst, some slowly burying my hopes of ever seeing him again.

  I started college over a month ago, and I liked it so far. I didn’t make many friends yet, but I didn’t bother to. Most of them lived in the dorms on campus, and I took the bus back home each day after classes.

  The leaves were turning colors again, and I remembered Ezra’s words as he described my aura. A smile tugged on my lips, and I stared at the deep blue water in front of me. I remembered him saying that he wanted to see what I looked like in the summer, when the sun forced my pale skin to show off all the freckles, and my hair turned a brighter red. He didn’t get to see me though.

  Five-fifty. I had to get going if I wanted to catch the ferry back to mainland. I didn’t feel like crying, but somehow, a few tears forced themselves down my cheeks.

  I got up from the bench and brushed the tears away. I didn’t bring my backpack, instead, I had my phone in one of the raincoat’s pockets, and headphones in the other.

  Ezra didn’t come, and I was mentally already starting to pick up all the pieces of my heart that I didn’t want to leave behind.

  “You broke our promise,” I whispered while a silent sob escaped my throat. Anger built inside of me, and I felt the sudden urge of kicking and punching something.

  I hated all these emotions.

  I picked up the biggest stone I could find and threw it into the water with as much force as possible. Then I grabbed another, letting out a cry as I threw it as far as possible, breaking the smooth surface of the lake.

  I kept going until my sobs turned into a full-on cry, and I had to stop moving to get myself under control.

  “You left me,” I said, my voice shaky, and I turned around to finally make my way back to the port.

  I didn’t want to be here anymore. This was once my favorite place on Earth, but I was slowly starting to hate it. All because of Ezra.

  “I’m guessing I’m the reason why you’re frowning.” His voice broke through my thoughts and as I lifted my gaze, I couldn’t believe my eyes.

  Ezra was standing next to the carousel with his hands deep in his pockets, and his head slightly tilted. He looked concerned, and I blinked the tears away to try and see him clearly.

  He’s here. He didn’t break his promise.

  I couldn’t find words. Now that he was here, finally, I couldn’t move.

  “You’re here,” I whispered.

  “Of course I am, Juno.” He took a few steps in my direction and pulled his hands out of his po
ckets. He reached out his hands, and before he could tell me to get closer, I ran into his arms and hugged him tight.

  “Don’t tell me you doubted me,” he whispered, holding me tight with one hand on my lower back, and the other cupping my head.

  For a second, I did. But now that I was back in his arms, after four long months, I couldn’t feel anything other than happiness.

  “I love you. I missed you.” I couldn’t control my words.

  “I know. I love you, too.”

  *

  Ezra

  I pressed my lips against her neck, then leaned back to look into her eyes. “I’m sorry I made you wait so long.”

  My heart was pounding, and although we were apart for so long, my love for her never left.

  I struggled all those months without her, and even I had some doubts that she wouldn’t show up today. There was so much I needed to tell her, but right now, all I wanted was to keep her close to me and not let her go.

  “God, you’re so fucking beautiful,” I said under my breath. Cupping her face with my hands, I brushed the tears off her cheeks and tried to calm her.

  I hated when she cried, and the memory of her sobbing uncontrollably after Benji found out about us was one I never wanted to remember.

  “I won’t let you go. From now on, I will keep you close forever, understand?”

  She nodded, a sad smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. She was trying to find words to say, but in my opinion, words weren’t needed.

  I leaned in and kissed her lips, finally tasting her sweetness again. She clung to me with her hands digging into my shoulders, and I kept her head in place to deepen the kiss.

  I moved my tongue along the seam of her mouth, and Juno opened up to me, letting me dive deep inside her mouth. My hands then moved down to her bottom, squeezing it tightly and holding her against my body.

  She moaned into my mouth, trying to take over the kiss. I wouldn’t let her. It was my turn to show her how much I missed and adored her.